Sunday, September 19, 2010

Who manages these girls ?! (It's the new Saturdays epic fail)

I would LOVE to love pop's most incredibly ill-advised quintet The Saturdays but recently, it's been hard. The campaign for their recently released EP Headlines makes me wonder who makes all those bad choices for them, and leads me to officially apply to be their manager. My contact's on the site.

Exhibit #1 : Missing You
I've already told you about how much I dislike this song, but here's the fact. It's still as bad as it was when it premiered. It's in no way first-single material. The song managed to peak at #3 though, probably due to a string of never-ending promo appearances: that's called brainwashing.

Exhibit #2 : The Saturdays 24/7
This documentary, which aimed at showing the band's life from the inside wasn't exactly a clever move. It didn't show very flattering moments (they're ill, they have stomach ache, they scream a lot, they're not very clever etc). A bit of mystery could do these girls good in my opinion.

Check out the totally awful and uncomfortable moment of over-reaction when they learn they're at number one in the midweeks with Missing You. Too bad, they dropped two spots afterwards. It's at 2:30.

Exhibit #3 : Higher
You thought all was going to be OK when they announced that Higher would be the next single? You were right, because it's the best song on the EP and quite frankly an awesome pop tune.
But you should have thought twice. 

First it was announced that a new version featuring US rapper Flo-Rida would be release as the single. FLO EFFING RIDA. The last thing any good pop song needs. As the rapper prevented the Sats from taking the #1 spot twice (for Just Can't Get Enough & Missing You) they thought :
"Hey, let's give him a verse! It'll boost up our steet credibility, make the track even more radio friendly and this time maybe we'll hit the #1 spot. Oh, and lets kill our great middle 8 in the process".
So, as predicted the new version is totally ruined. And ridiculous. Have a listen (if you dare).

The same thing goes for the single artwork. After offering generaly beautiful CD sleeves, they decided to mess it up, in case a great one could help the track. So queue the awful yellow background, the badly photoshopped pictures, cheap styling and "jumping-Vanessa" concept. Even Atomic Kitten had better sleeves.

Last but not least, here's the video.

Really? Could this be any cheaper? And could their "enthusiasm" look any faker? And why is the video not featuring Flo-Rida? No consistencey here. That's their main problem I guess. The zebra-crossing routine is fun though. I'm trying it tomorrow on my way to work.

Girls, I'm here to help you. Love, L.

No comments: